So I turned 19 a few mintues ago and I started to reflect.

It was 19 years ago I entered this earth I was born William Mihkel Medri Kinnon, the fifth or sixth in a line of Williams, though the first to be dubbed Liam (not the Bill that was the standard before me).

Roughly 18 years ago my parents discovered that I had a 90% hearing loss, and so began a series of operations that inserted tubes in my ears and restored my hearing. I had begun to speak Estonian (My Mom’s native language) but by the time I recovered it was more critical that I learn to speak english for school. Thus I missed out on a part of my heritage.

Beginning school a few years later, I discovered that, though I enjoyed reading, I was not the scholarly type. It would take until I was in grade 6 for teachers to realize I had Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) but also way above average reading and problem solving skills, making me a gifted LD (learning disorder) kid.

Grade 7 began and so did two of the worst years of my life, I would be depressed, angry, and frustrating to be around for these two years. I don’t really have any way to explain those years except that I was different and perceived myself to be unattractive, stupid, and unwanted. Then I started growing my hair and as Grade 8 grew to a close I discovered I had a natural blond ‘fro, apparently a big hit.

Grade 9 and my trying to figure out where I belonged led to my hanging out with tons of different people. Eventually as the tenth grade began I became a part of what would become the Loblaws gang/group/collection of people. A group of people that made sense only because it didn’t make sense. These people would be my closest friends and though most of them probably don’t realize it, they helped me survive grade ten and eleven.

And now there’s a year ago, the reason for my birthday depression. For my eighteenth birthday my parent’s flew two friends out to Winnipeg to visit, they became part of what would be my biggest party ever. I opened up my house and invited everyone I’d met so far in Winnipeg to come to my house to hang out. Here’s the sad part, of all those people who came through my doors, I probably speak with 2 or 3 of them now. I’ve learned something about being the flavor of the week since then. I don’t know if I ever want to feel the euphoria of thinking you have made friends, only to discover that it was one big fake experience. Of the two friends that flew out, one has and still is one of the best friends I’ve had for most of my life. The other I’d been in love with for too long, and knew too well to think it would be reciprocated, which didn’t change my hoping. When I finally told her how I felt, I got let down gently but we rarely talk now. Something I wish had never happened.

And so on my nineteenth birthday I reflect, regret, but for the most part am filled with hope that this year will be better then what’s gone on before. It has to.

Liam