This is a strange thing to write. It was initially going to start off as me griping about “those people” who see every little good thing that happens in their lives as a blessing from God. Maybe you know someone like that? Maybe you are someone like that? I
It occurred to me as I was busy drafting my snide commentary on the vapidity of assuming little material things are gifts that I have a massive poverty in my own view of God. He is the God who dresses lilies and feeds ravens, but I refuse to believe that he gives a crap about my day to day existence. Even when Jesus says explicitly that he does.
Yesterday as I was particularly despairing over my (still) incomplete thesis my girlfriend told me I should pray and ask God for strength and wherewithal to finish it. I couldn’t do it. I finally humbled myself to it today, but why do I not see God as wanting to help me?
I think perhaps it has to do with my desperate need to believe in free will to believe God is a God of love. This belief has led me to believe that God is hands-off, even though he is so obviously not. What is even stranger is that prayer is an act of free will. Maybe what I need to realize is that God is waiting on me to acknowledge my desperate need for his help to accomplish not just what seems impossible, but to truly accomplish anything.
All I can do is ask.