I have a tendency to keep a whole bunch of tabs open in Chrome that I want to think about or talk about more. I have not been doing a great job of blogging, there is much else taking up a fair bit of my time these days. Including the band.
That being said, I really do want to talk about these things. So if you are reading this leave a comment, I will write back soon, maybe we can even get some good ol’ fashion online debating going. Alright here goes.
Welcome to a world where marriage no longer makes sense. I have thought for the longest time that in a true post God era we would move beyond institutions like marriage. This article seems to be trying to preserve an institution while at the same time undermining its very purpose. The heading alone is worth discussion, “Can ethical non-monogamy save marriage.” My question: why bother getting married? I certainly wouldn’t.
Tangentially related, we move from modern marriage to contemporary divorce, involving fake Facebook accounts (fakebook accounts?). How crazy is this?
Apparently, email is outdated. I can tell you that I’m dealing with, on average, 60-80 emails a day, a solid 20% of which require some form of action on my part. How do we improve communiation, especially internal communication, to improve efficiency in our workplaces?
Finally, apparently an Ontario company has managed to use compressed air to power a motorcycle. I have no idea how this works, but if it is for real, I’m really interested.
Let’s talk, shall we?
Hey buddy. Thanks for the links. I read all the articles except for the one about powering motorbikes with compressed air. My thoughts on the marriage one: messed up. You kind of summed it up in your own statement “trying to preserve the institution of marriage while undermining its very purpose.” I agree with you.
…entering these discussions sometimes feels like stepping out of the protective shark cage.
Marriage. Two points are worth mentioning here. Liam, I find it telling that you say “why bother getting married?” While I agree with that statement, full stop (my view of marriage is overwhelmingly negative), it’s worth considering that many people get married for the right reasons (love, desire to spend their lives together, etc) and stay blissfully happy and faithful for years and decades. But people change, and love fades. We can all agree that change is pretty unpredictable, and therefore can’t really be planned against. So what is a person to do, when they wake up to find that they still love their spouse of twenty years, but find them sexually unnattractive, or can’t stand them, or that they are seriously unhappy? Love is complicated, and we are capable of many forms of it. Humans can feel romantic love for several people concurrently, just as we can feel familial love for all the members of our families. Likewise, we are capable of loving and disliking people simultaneously. So, first point and or question. What is the solution, when you’ve been married for decades and the love changes or the physical attraction dies? It is unrealistic to assume people will just go without sex or romantic love for the sake of a marriage they are getting nothing out of, simply because of an ideal. Why is it so wrong for spouses to honestly discuss why their marriage is important, and then identify if they are willing and capable to fulfill all their partner’s needs? Provided that all parties are honest and willing, I don’t know that bringing other people into it is morally wrong. I forsee a far more serious threat from simple human things like dishonesty and cheating than openly discussing what is essential in a marriage.
Second point, (I apologize, brevity is not my strength), why is it marriages do not come with an expiration date, while we’re still alive? Mostly because of convention, but think about it. People change, life throws curveballs, accidents happen, etc. Why has marriage not evolved a probation period? Say, after five years, the marriage can be re-negotiated (man, that is a cold term), or ended, and both partners go their seperate ways without a divorce? In reality, the probabtionary period has become the dating years, which usually involve cohabitation, and increasingly children and joint property. But that is frowned upon by the same people who harp about the decline of marriage. Five years ago I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, and I am supposed to swear to love and cherish someone for the rest of my life, until I die? How can I even begin to undertake that promise in good faith.
Marriage, as an institution, is now irrlevant. Not becoming, not close to, but IS IRRELEVANT. Our legal system has adjusted, our social conventions have adjusted, heck, our PARENTS have adjusted in most cases. Why hasn’t marriage, as a religious and civic institution, undergone a similiar update?
Peace Love and Maple Syrup.
A conversation only works if there are at least two people conversing back and forth. So far this is sadly lacking. C’mon guys, let’s have it.
Thanks for the post, Liam. One question… @The Village Idiot: ‘But people change, and love fades.’ – Granted, people do change, but relying on the exciting sparks of first attraction (which may very well fade) without a conscious, ongoing commitment (that you’re prepared to maintain, regardless of fluctuating feelings) seems like a recipe for disaster in any marriage. Surely the only kind of love that can perpetuate marriage is a deep, willed commitment-kind of love? As you acknowledge, people can make it work.
Perhaps the institution is not to blame, but rather people’s selfish approach to it. In terms of a deeper sense of trust and greater certainty when it comes to family stability (especially for children – knowing your parents have made a lifelong agreement to stick together for each other and for you makes a big difference), the benefits of marriage as an institution can’t be overlooked.